This week has been so terribly hard that I can barely function. My Jonah has been gone for 6 weeks now and the days are by no means easier. Although I am sad that I am not teaching right now, it may be a blessing that I took the 2013-2014 school year off full-time teaching when we found out we were expecting. I was so excited that I was going to be able to stay home with our baby.
I have a huge anxiety about going back to school to substitute teach. Seeing children bothers me, but even more, I also have anxiety about the people who don’t acknowledge my sweet boy and what happened to him and myself. I’m scared that someone will come up to me and not say a word at all. They’d pretend like it never happened.
I live in a small town. Everyone knows what happened to us.
I know that it is extremely sad time and people don’t know what to say or do. They are afraid that I’ll break down and cry, but please acknowledge him and SAY HIS NAME. I may cry when you say his name, but when you say it, it’s like music to my ears.
Luckily, I go to work with my family everyday to keep my mind ‘busy’. But for when those occasions arise when my mind drifts back to Jonah and I start to cry, I know I am surrounded by the people I most care about and the people who most care about me.