I wish some people could understand the depth of my pain. But the only way to really know my pain is to live it. To get inside my head and hear the thoughts that go on. But I wouldn’t wish this pain on my worst enemy. This pain is defeating and I feel so powerless to it. I can see my pain evolving as the weeks go on. At first I cried all the time. My husband would pick me up off the ground and just hold me and rock me as I cried. Now, I don’t cry as much but I relive the past in my head. I spent my time day dreaming and thinking of my sweet boy and what might have been. Even though I don’t cry as much – it doesn’t mean I’m better then I was. I’m numb and I can’t feel anything but the pain in my heart and the pain of these heavy, empty arms.