Day 14: Family – Capture Your Grief

I’ve always felt as though I was extremely blessed to have such an amazing family. I am so close to them that I know when I feel pain, they do too. Drew and I were so excited to start our own family together that we could hardly contain our excitement. I was so excited to see him be a dad, because I know he was going to be so good at it. Sometimes I would envision him changing his first diaper or reading a story to our expecting bundle. Once we found out it was a boy, I couldn’t help but imagine him watching football, fishing, and playing catch together. I hoped that Jonah would have his daddy’s blue eyes, his beautiful smile and I knew that he would have his daddy’s heart. I knew he would be kind, thoughtful, and caring – just like his daddy. I envisioned Jonah to be a smaller version of Drew.

The early morning hours of the day Jonah was born, I got to see Drew be a daddy for the first time. I got to see him hold and rock our Jonah. He talked to him and told him how much he loved him.

Drew is still a daddy, just like I’m still a mommy. Together we still visit Jonah’s grave and tell him stories like we would if we were still holding him now. We tell him how special he is and how much we love him. We would give anything to have him here with us and to be in our arms now.

We are still a family even though a piece of our family is in heaven. falldrew

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5 thoughts on “Day 14: Family – Capture Your Grief

  1. I found your blog last night when I myself was having a hard night. My story is different than yours but my husband and I lost our first August 21st, 2013. Your blog helps me because I know that someone else has the same raw feelings I have and basically that I am not alone (which I know I’m not but still). I just want you to know that I am praying for you, your husband, and family. I too am a teacher but my students are keeping me busy –busy emotionally most of the time. As hard as it is to comprehend just know that God has an amazing plan for your family. *I have to tell myself this 24/7 and it only helps sometimes but I am trying my hardest. I hope you continue blogging because it truly helps others.

    • I am so sad we are on this journey together, but I’m glad we found each other. I started to blog in hopes to get my feelings out there and not bottle them all in. I think it is sometimes hard for even our family to understand the pain we have as mothers of our angels. I’m glad I can help you in any way and I greatly appreciate the thoughts and prayers. I will do the same for you. Today is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day – I am lighting a candle for my Jonah and all angel babies. Thinking of you and praying for you! You are so strong!

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