Yesterday was a good, but still hard day. A Mass at my church was said in remembrance of Jonah and my whole family got together to honor him. The Mass was a beautiful Halloween Children’s Mass that was lead by students. It was the perfect service for him. At the same time, I still have a hard time going to my church. It triggers me back to Jonah’s funeral and makes me think of Jonah’s aunts and his uncle as they carried his tiny, white casket to the foot of the altar. Drew and I walked behind them and the whole time I just wanted to scream. It even hurts when we all hold hands and say the ‘Our Father,’ I go back and think about how I rocked my sweet boy as his daddy and I said that prayer to him.
Afterwards, everyone got together at our house for some good food. It was good to see everyone since I had not seen most of them since Jonah’s funeral. It felt good to be surrounded by family. Sometimes I forget that they lost a part of their family too. Sometimes I only think about my loss, since Jonah was closest to me.
Drew and I stayed up late and talked to his sister and her husband while their newborn slept feet away from me. It didn’t hurt to see a baby, but what hurt the most was to know that Owen is never going to meet Jonah or play with him. I figured that these two would probably get matching Christmas presents every year and would spend the holidays with Grandpa Johnson getting into trouble. I envisioned Jonah and Owen to be best friends.
After they left, Drew and I went out to the cemetery to say goodnight to Jonah and tell him about our day. When we got home, we both talked about how the best way to honor Jonah is by living for him. I told Drew that I want to live my life to ensure that I see Jonah again. I told him that my biggest goal is making it to heaven to see Jesus and Jonah by his side. I also told Drew that I am also going to make sure he gets there too. That’s my job as his wife and best friend. We both agreed that we would help each other get to heaven and get to Jonah.
I have never felt so close to my husband before and I have Jonah to thank for that. He brought his mommy and daddy closer then we ever thought possible. We love you sweet boy…