I loved my life before everything changed. I was so happy and unfazed by the world and natures cruel rules. I can’t even think of a time when my life was difficult or hard. Now, my life has been flipped upside down and there are no explanations. The doctors called Jonah a ‘fluke pregnancy’ and they were 99% sure this would never happen again. My skin crawled when they said that. They didn’t understand how much I loved him. I loved him more then I ever thought possible. Everything I did was for him. Like any other mother, my life was turned around into our life. Jonah wasn’t a fluke. He was a baby boy. He was my baby boy. He was all mine and Drew’s. He had half of Drew and half of me embedded into every part of his being.
Instead of a new mom, I feel like Humpty Dumpty.
Maggie Johnson sat on a wall,
Maggie Johnson had a great fall.
All of her family and all of her friends,
Couldn’t put Maggie together again.
I feel like I am sitting on a very high brick wall. Some days I fall and every piece of me is scattered around. I lay there and look at the pieces scattered around me and I just lay there. I somehow don’t care. I’m so broken it is impossible to move. But my husband comes in on his white horse and scoops me up. He manages to get every last piece and somehow he puts me back together the best he can. Each time he puts me back together, I am never the exact same as I was before. We manage to get me up back on top of the brick wall and then, it seems not long after he has put me back together, I fall – again.
And I need to be rescued and restored.