All I Want For Christmas


This morning I heard on the radio Maria Carrey’s ‘All I Want For Christmas’ and it hurt. My family and my husband have been asking what I’d like for Christmas.

When my family asks, I reply with a simple, “I don’t know.”

When Drew asks, I say, “You know…”

I’ve done a little Christmas shopping this year. Mostly I just ordered everything online and had it shipped to my house. It’s much easier.

I did buy some special gifts for my family this year from Jonah. I bought them in town and picked them up today. When I saw them and I started to cry in the shop. The lady at the counter didn’t know what to do. She just came over and gave me a big hug and said she was sorry. That’s another reason why I love this town.

I’d like to think by now I’d probably be making and sending out our family Christmas cards.  I’d write about how blessed we were this year and how we were so lucky to have Jonah in our lives. I’d tell my family and friends how he was a good eater and a good sleeper. That mommy and daddy were tired, but so full of joy. We talk about how the dogs loved him and how Lady was very protective over him. We would end by saying that 2013 was the best year of our lives and we couldn’t wait for what 2014 had in store for us.

At the end I’d write – Love From The Three Of Us.

This year our cards are blank and they will never be sent out.

All I want for Christmas is to hold my baby, to kiss him and tell him how much I love him, to take him home and have him meet the rest of his family and take care of him forever. Even though my Christmas wish cannot be fulfilled, the next best thing my family can get me is the gift of including my baby in the holiday season.

He will always be apart of me, because love never dies.


5 thoughts on “All I Want For Christmas

  1. “Even though my Christmas wish cannot be fulfilled, the next best thing my family can get me is the gift of including my baby in the holiday season.” Yes. This so much. Next to having Noah back, this is what I want most of all. Thank you for putting it into words.

  2. In Ireland, we don’t send or receive Christmas cards or presents after a death in the family. I totally understand why now. Obviously we’re getting our daughter presents, but other than that… It’s just so hard right now.

  3. I agree. I want my family to include Luke in our Christmas too. In fact, I wrote them an email saying so. I hope you are able to find some joy on your holiday remembering Noah.

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