When Jonah died, I was flooded with so many pregnancy loss, stillbirth and grief books that I never got around to reading them. In the beginning the slightest thing set me in a weeping spell, that I just couldn’t read about any of it. I’m starting to read them, finally. It helps. I still will have a moment when I begin to cry uncontrollably, but usually Drew is home to wipe my tears.
The hospital where Jonah was born gave me a large care package filled with books, pamphlets, papers and keepsakes. I started to go through it last night and found the most beautiful, little book. The book is entitled Born to fly – An Infant’s Journey to God by Cindy Claussen. The author gave birth to her stillborn son, Nathan, on November 22, 1983.
These are the words of the book, but I changed Nathan’s name to Jonah – for myself. It is a beautiful to know that all of our babies knew our voices, felt our touch and most importantly knew our love.
A miracle has happened. A life has begun.
“Are you there, God?”
“Yes, I am here, Jonah,” the Lord whispered.
“Where am I?”
“You are in the womb of your mother,” God smiled.
“Oh. What is that sound?” Jonah asked.
“It is the voice of your mother, Jonah. She is singing to you.”
“Yes. She loves you very much,” God said.
“I feel warmth on my back,” Jonah whispered.
“Yes, she is rubbing her stomach, caressing you the best she can right now. She is speaking to me, Jonah. She is asking me to care for you.”
“I will kick her back, so she knows I love her, too,” Jonah said excitedly.
“Now what is she saying, God?”
“Your mother is laughing, Jonah.”
“She is happy, isn’t she God?”
“Yes, Jonah. She is happy.”
“I hear a different sound. What is that?”
“It is the voice of your dad, Jonah.”
“He sounds strong,” Jonah said.
“Yes,” answered God.
“Does he loves me, too?”
“More than his own life,” God whispered.
“When do I get to see him, God?”
“Not for awhile, my son.”
“I’m not feeling so well, God.”
“I know my son, but soon you will fly.”
“I will fly?”
“Yes,” God smiled.
“Will my mother fly with me?”
“Someday,” God said.
“I think I’m ready,” Jonah whispered.
“I know, my child.”
“Is it time to fly now, God?”
“Yes,” God said gently, and wiped his eyes.
“When will I see You, God?”
“Very soon, my son.”
“Is that my mother and dad?”
“Yes, Jonah,” God said and pulled the child onto His lap.
“Why are they crying?”
“They cry for you, my child,” God answered as He wrapped His arms around the boy.
“Why do they cry for me?” Jonah asked.
“Because they want to hold you in their arms, Jonah”
“But instead, You hold me in Your arms, huh, God?”
“Yes, son,” God said.
“Why does that make them sad, God? I like it in Your arms!”
“They love you very much, Jonah. It can make a mommy’s and daddy’s heart sad when they don’t get to hold their children – I know how it feels to watch my child die.”
“Have I died, God?”
“Just on earth, Jonah.”
“I don’t feel dead. I feel very much alive! Watch how fast I can run!” Jonah crawled down from God’s lap.
“Yes, Jonah, you are fast,” God clapped.
“Now watch me fly!” Jonah said as he soared high.
“You are amazing!” God laughed.
Jonah settled back in the safety of God’s arms and said, “When will my parents fly, God?”
“Someday, my child.”
“Will we fly together?”
“Yes, Jonah, my mark is on their foreheads.”
“Good,” Jonah said. “Will you tell them I am safe and happy?”
“I will comfort them, my child.”
“Will they be happy again?”
“Yes, child. They will heal.”
“And someday we will all get to be with You, huh, God?”
“Yes, Jonah. Someday,” God promised.
“I love you, God.” Jonah said as he snuggled close to God.
“I love you too, son,” God said as he put His hand on Jonah’s head.
“Take care of my parents until they fly!” Jonah said.
“I promise,” God whispered.