I Lift My Hands and Pray

Prayer-hands-bw

I’m different lately.

I’ve noticed myself becoming bitter and jealous of everyone around me.

I know that it’s ok to feel these kinds of emotions considering the deep loss I’ve experienced, but I don’t like it. I found myself wincing at the sight of a newborn photo online and feeling angry at the thought of someone else having an easy-going pregnancy and perfect delivery.Β I know they are innocent. I use to be that way. The type of innocence or invincibility that makes you believe that nothing terrible could ever happen to you. Thinking, that only happens to other people. Not me.

I wish I could have that back. I wish the bitterness would subside and my heart would be filled with joy again.

So I lift my hands and pray…

Lord,

Please help me be free from my bitterness. Fill my broken heart with the fruits of the Spirit; love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Help me to understand that Your plans are greater than my own.

For You know the desires of my heart.

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11 thoughts on “I Lift My Hands and Pray

  1. I had to hide almost every pregnant person, or person with a newborn on Facebook. I considered (and maybe did, I don’t remember) hiding the person who can’t stop gushing about his nephew. Pity party, table for 1? Yep, that’s me. But I think it will get easier with time. I’m giving myself at least until my due date to wallow though. Particularly with 2 friends due within 2 days of my due date, and 4 more in the 2 weeks after.

  2. Baby boys are what are hard for me. I’m just terrified for my pregnant friends who are so blithely going about their days like they’re invincible. I used to be like that. I miss it.

  3. I think your feelings are normal because I feel them too. They do seem to be getting easier (the baby encounters and FB posts) as time goes on, I think. And since you have God in your life, you have so much more strength and help. You’re doing fine.

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