Christmas has already come and gone so quickly. And it seemed so special this year, when we were all so sad last Christmas.
Being pregnant (especially 29/30 weeks pregnant) around Christmas time brings a much greater joy to the holidays. I feel as though the last year and a half I have very much identified myself with Mary. I have found great comfort in her. After Jonah died, I often prayed to Mary to help me be more like her and to show me comfort in my time of sorrow; for she lost her son too.
Every Christmas at my church, ‘Mary Did You Know’ is sung by an amazing woman from our parish. Her singing brings tears to everyone in the congregation. Last year when she sung this song I couldn’t help but sob in the pew and miss the little boy I should have been holding.
This year, I reflected on the words of the song before Christmas Mass. The lyrics, “This child that you’ve delivered, will soon deliver you…” really struck me. Since Jonah has died, I have become so different than I was prior. I look at the world and those around me so differently than I had. Jonah has taught me to love and feel so deeply than I ever have before. He has given me so much in the little time I physically had with him.
I have chosen to be joyful instead of sorrowful. A choice that was very hard to make after losing a child. It took a great amount of time, but I finally opened my heart to it.
Every morning since I’ve chosen joy, I have risen to a better life.
Last January I asked God to give me a miracle and every day since then that’s what I prayed for. He answered my prayers and gave me Micah. The best gift I could ever have.
This Christmas was so wonderful and I cannot even wait until next year. Micah will be the first living grandchild for my parents and next Christmas at their house will be so fun with her.
**Christmas Eve at my parents house**