Humbling Moments

Life is full of humbling moments where you are knocked down to your knees and your breath is taken away and you are reminded of how good you once had it. If only you could tell your yesterday self about todays problems you might be in better shape. But life doesn’t happen that way.

In an instant your life can change. For the good or for worse – or so you think at the time. Everyone knows my most humbling moment. The day doctors told me my little boy would most likely not live a moment in this world. I carried him for 5 more weeks before he died warm in my womb. For five weeks I chose to be mad. I chose to be incredibly mad at God.

Why? How? Not me! I would say. How could our all powerful, loving God do this to me?

After his birth, I was became more sad than mad. And I still asked those same questions to my God.

Why? How? Not me!

But one day I decided it was going to be different. I opened up my bible to the book of Jonah and read on into Micah. I found the verse, “For though I fall, I will rise again. Though I sit in darkness, the Lord will be my light.” – Micah 7:8

I knew I had to invite God back into my life again to rise out of the darkness. I made a deal with God and told Him that if I endured all this pain that the least He could do was to make me pregnant again with a healthy child. After months of trying and no pregnancy, I realized that you don’t make deals with God. You put it in His hands. You put your faith in Him and His timing. I came to the realization that maybe having another child wasn’t in the cards for me or maybe we needed to wait a little longer for my heart to heal. I decided to live in the moment and enjoy my surroundings. And when I did, I truly felt happy again. I also changed my prayers. Instead of: God, please give me a healthy pregnancy with a child to hold soon. I prayed: Lord, I believe in You and Your timing. I have faith.

Once I did that, the next month I was pregnant with my Miracle Baby. Some may say it is coincidence or luck, but deep down I believe it was a miracle from Him.

We all have our most humbling moments. These are mine. But I also have humbling moments every single day. Not as life changing, but most certainly still big.

 

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